i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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