I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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