i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
