Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
