Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
