I hate your face
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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