I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
