He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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