Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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