I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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