you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
