every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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