I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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