I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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