I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They took my balls.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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