There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
