I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize