my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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