She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize