Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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