I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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