I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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