we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
