Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
