You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
