I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
