They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's great music for shaving your balls
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
