Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
