are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
