Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
