I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think people are normalizing furries
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
