Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
