god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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