I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
should my penis look like a turkey
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
