She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize