mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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