Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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