I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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