I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
