oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I faked an abortion last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
