Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
