I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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