btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
