put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
