Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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