brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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