if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
