that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
