Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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