when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
