i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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