i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
