In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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