Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
