I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
