A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
