I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's just like the Real World with babies
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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