Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize