I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
