its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Pooping to opera.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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