:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
