Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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