I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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