You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
