Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
