He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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