Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
