my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
