I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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