Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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