Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
