and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
