Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
