$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I CAN MOONWALK!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
my liver is dry heaving
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
