the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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