so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Two words: nipple clamps
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