There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
