i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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