Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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