i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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