I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
