mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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